Friday, December 11, 2009

Las 40 peores peliculas de la decada

40. 'All About Steve' (2009)
Sandra Bullock is, of course, cute and funny. Stalking and mental illness played for yuks? Neither.

39. 'Speed Racer' (2008)
The Wachowski Brothers and a cartoon classic -- what could go wrong? From wasting the talents of Susan Sarandon to a visual style that looks like a candy store threw up, everything.

38. 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo' (2005)
As we recall, 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo' was a snore. So no surprise that the sequel about a serial killer targeting the great "man-whores" of Europe is even more so.

37. 'Righteous Kill' (2008)
Pacino and De Niro together should be celluloid magic. Too bad they're stuck in this boring, predictable and, frankly, dumb thriller.

36. 'Envy' (2004)
Two pals (Frank Black and Ben Stiller) battle over who owns the rights to a poop vaporizing spray. Insert your own crap joke here.

35. 'Who's Your Caddy' (2007)
We liked 'Caddyshack' better the first time. When it was funny.

34. 'Kickin' It Old Skool' (2007)
Jamie Kennedy as a breakdancer who wakes up from a coma after 20 years? We really wish someone had pulled the plug on this unfunny stinker.

33. 'Wicker Man' (2006)
You would think Nicolas Cage being murdered by bees would be fun to watch. You would be wrong.

32. 'The Happening' (2008)
Plants drive people to commit suicide in horrible ways. What a coincidence -- this tedious, overly serious movie had the same effect.

31. 'Daddy Day Camp' (2007)
Remember when Cuba Gooding Jr. got Oscar-worthy roles? Really? Well, this family-unfriendly clunker should wipe out that fond memory for good.

30. 'Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector' (2006)
Larry is on the hunt to solve a rash of food poisonings at fancy restaurants. We're on the hunt for anyone who finds him remotely funny. Still looking.

29. 'White Chicks' (2004)
Shawn and Marlon Wayans go undercover as twin heiresses to foil a kidnapping plot, but looked to us more like horribly mutated drag queens. The Olsen twins should sue.

28. 'The Hottie and the Nottie' (2008)
Paris Hilton ... acts. And she doesn't even get killed at the end. Do we really need to say more?

27. 'Rollerball' (2002)
The 1975 original had strong political themes. This tepid remake has Rebecca Romijn with her top off. And we still like the original better.

26. 'The Master of Disguise' (2002)
Dana Carvey has the amazing ability to impersonate anyone. Except, apparently, someone funny.

25. 'Babylon A.D.' (2008)
Vin Diesel is a mercenary who must transfer a young woman with amazing powers to New York City. Or at least, that's what we're guessing, given how hopelessly garbled this sci-fi clunker is.

24. 'Norbit' (2007)
Eddie Murphy plays his own vengeful, morbidly obese wife. While this may be great fodder for his therapist, it was unfunny torture for the rest of us.

23. 'Epic Movie' (2007)
We're not saying there's not plenty to satirize in 'X-Men', the 'Harry Potter' series or 'The DaVinci Code.' We're just saying that "satirize" might be too big of a word for the makers of this movie to grasp.

22. 'Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever' (2002)
Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu, violent gunfights -- it's the stuff box office dreams are made of. Unless the rest of the movie is so painfully dumb the screenwriter thinks the FBI operates out of Canada.

21. 'Corky Romano' (2001)
Chris Kattan had his moments on 'SNL'. But he was all out of funny by the time he played a veterinarian who must infiltrate the FBI for his Mob boss dad.

20. 'Little Man' (2006)
Marlon Wayans is a tiny thief who passes himself off as a baby. Because that would happen.

19. 'The Love Guru' (2008)
With 'Austin Powers,' Mike Myers captured everything we loved about the swinging '60s. And with this stinker, he captures all the nutty twiggy New Age hippie crap we're still trying to forget.

18. 'Son of the Mask' (2005
Jim Carrey brought the original 'Mask' to life. And in this unfunny sequel, Jamie Kennedy kills it dead.

17. 'Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2' (2004)
Really, there's nothing less entertaining than a movie about little people who are smarter than you but still don't know how to use the toilet.

16. 'Freddy Got Fingered' (2001)
Accusing your dad of molesting your little brother is always funny, isn't it? No? Well, audiences didn't think so, either.

15. '88 minutes' (2007)
Al Pacino turns in an uncharacteristically subdued performance in this unthrilling thriller. Probably because he was counting the minutes until he could get a decent job.

14. 'I Know Who Killed Me' (20TK)
Lindsay Lohan is not only a twin but a stripper in this movie. And we still wish the serial killer would have finished her off in the first act.

13. 'Boat Trip' (2002)
Bad film lover Cuba Gooding Jr. takes a vacation looking for love, only to find he's on a gay-themed cruise. Much offensive humor follows.

12. 'BloodRayne' (2005)
Uwe Boll is widely considered the worst director in the world for making incomprehensible cheese-fests. And this film adaptation of a video game would be one of them.

11. 'Disaster Movie' (2008)
Well, at least the title fit.

10. 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash' (2002)
This Eddie Murphy flop reportedly cost $100 million to make. And we think most of that money was spent trying to get the stink of unfunny jokes and bad special effects out of the theaters.

9. 'Cat in the Hat' (2003)
After this movie came out, the widow of Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel) banned any more live-action adaptations of his work. Thanks for screwing it up for everyone else, Mike Meyers.

8. 'Little Nicky' (2000)
Adam Sandler plays one of the sons of Satan. And we thought watching his mumble-mouthed performance was hell.

7. 'Basic Instinct 2' (2006)
Forget crossing her legs. Sharon Stone gets even more explicit in this sequel to the 1992 thriller. But even if Stone's held up well, this dunderheaded plot sure doesn't.

6. 'Catwoman' (2004)
The producers made sure Halle Berry had one hot-looking black leather getup. Too bad they forgot to give her a character arc, motivation or a decent script.

5. 'Swept Away' (2002)
Dear Madonna: Please stop making movies. Especially remakes of our favorite Italian romances. We're begging here. Thank you.

4. 'From Justin to Kelly' (2003)
We know 'Idol' finalists Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson were probably obligated to make this painfully cheesy musical. Luckily, audiences weren't obligated to sit through it.

3. 'Glitter' (2001)
This shiny mess was a vanity project for Mariah Carey -- and even she panned it as "geared to 10-year-olds."

2. 'Gigli' (2003)
Remember when Bennifer meant Lopez and Affleck? Amazingly, thir constant media onslaught wasn't half as annoying as this half-witted mobster caper. Al Pacino also makes an appearance, giving him a grand slam of stinkers for the decade. Go, Al!

1. 'Battlefield Earth' (2000)
This insipid sci-fi flick was John Travolta's chance to spread the word of L. Ron Hubbard. And he did -- if convincing us that L. Ron was hella ridiculous was his point.